hi.  this is my last blog entry....for this blog.  im sick of this blog because i can never change the header, therefore i've given up and decided to start all over again. my new blog is http://fooblespunkie.tblog.com" title="http://fooblespunkie.tblog.com" target="_blank"http://fooblespunkie.tblog.co...

c u there. lol. xoxo

......i have no words........i cant even express how im feeling at the moment.....

my friend and his family got hit by a truck today.  his little 11 year old brother died.  his other older  brother is in a critical condition.  My friend is on life support....probably not going to make it.... and both his parents died.

would you know my name
if i saw you in heaven?
will it be the same
if i saw you in heaven?
i must be strong, and carry on
cause i know i dont belong...
here in heaven

i guess this is goodbye to Marco..... i'll never forget u

:cry:   &n bsp;   :cry:   &n bsp;   :cry:   &n bsp;   :cry:   &n bsp;   :cry:   &n bsp;   :cry:   &n bsp;   :cry:

musical performance today.  went to school, had morning fitness, walked around the WHOLE SCHOOL trying to find my pe class (which i only had to attend 20 mins of before going to the theatre to get ready for musical anyway), couldnt find my class anywhere so gave up and went to the theatre to get ready for musical. me and about 5 others, (the main characters), went to the hospital to perform a few grease songs for the oldies, then got back to the theatre, another hour of costumes...makeup....getting ready, then had the first half of musical (went for about an hour and a half), then an interval for 15 mins and letted the audience stretch and stand up etc, then the rest of the musical performance................... then a talk from the director and music teacher, then got dressed back into school clothes, (but i kept my costume on underneith coz i was cold, then walked home because it was the end of the day.   got home, ate heaps because i didnt eat ANYTHING during the day, felt full..........ate more anyway......felt sick...........watched big brother.............logans won....now telling you what my day was.

TIRING!!!! lol.

we have another performance 2mrw during the day, and then wed night thur night fri night and sat night are performances too.  2mrw it'l be a free performance for the primary school kiddies.  anyway and then saturday night there'll be a "musical after party" but this year it isnt really for the cast of grease.......instead its just a party, with the excuse that musical is over.  in other words, and then after sat night performance there'll be a party.  dum dee dum.  i dunno if i'll go.....depends how my cold is, and how exhausted i am by then.  sooo exhausted now......... i'll be pretty bad by then. lol.  but i dont want to miss the party incase its interesting lol. 

FACT : people are way more interesting when they're drunk

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I'll never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

this makes me cry when i hear it because in so many levels i can relate to it

yeah.....pouring boiling hot water over my hand was a mistake.... it hurts now... lol.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA..

7 yr 12s guys were suspended.  for looking at porn in class.

funniest thing i've heard in quite a while  :D

ha fucking ha.  i found out every answer to the questions i was curious about in my last post, all thanks to stewart.  very much relieved... because i know that everyone knows about the relationship but not because i told one person, in other words its the guys' fault everyone knows.

HOTPLATE THEATRETTE PATTING!!!!!!!!!!!! (for conor, my wlwt club/mate)

every lunch of mine is taken up with me going to the music room to practice "you're the one that i want" with stewart.  lol. its cool though because it takes my mind of some things i WOULD have it on.

everyone knows about me and someone's secret relationship because the guys at musical went through his phone and read my messages to him, and then went into the outbox and read the messages he wrote to me. 

SERIOUSLY, WHO WOULD WRITE MESSAGES AS RISKY AS THAT AND SAVE THEM FOR EVERYONE ELSE TO READ!????   twisted....

and haha i know what the "d" word was.  "dingers".  lol.......  and if you dont understand what they are DONT WORRY

i love the song "coin operated boy" by the dresden dolls.  i have been listening to it heaps and i never realised until today when Raetsy pointed it out to me...its about a dildo.   :shock:

musical was all too much today.  i have learnt over the past 3 months that sitting at a piano for 6 hours is not fun when you have back problems...

i have really weird cravings.  right now im craving alex!  hahaha....i know that sounds weird.  i meant i really really feel like talking to him.  i havent for a while (with him on friday with a whole group of ppl is an exeption), and he is like my fuel and i am empty at the moment.

i got a heap of badges the other day, they're really cool ones!  theres a Ramones badge, (a band), one that says "anti-nowhere leauge"  which is black red and white, and the other one i remember is a logo for a band, and its one of alex's favourite bands....therefore i feel really guilty for forgetting the name of it! actually im not guilty, i just know alex would want me to be.  lol.  ANYWAYS i only got that badge because me and Scott have this huge inner joke about it.  i would tell you all but it'd take way to long to explain...trust me.

seriously, anyone who gets music, download Coin Operated Boy by the Dresden Dolls.  AS LONG as you're okay with hearing about a dildo. haha.  its really really catchy though, thats why i like it.

Through the wind and the rain,
She stands hard as a stone in a world that she can't rise above;
But her dreams give her wings and she flies to a place where she's loved.

stupid, embarrassing, confus ing thing happened today...

PICTURE THIS.....

at musical, guy#1  goes to you, "i know"  and you gather they're talking about them knowing about your secret relationship with someone because they smile at you, then smile at the direction where sits the guy#2 who you have the relationship with, then guy#1 looks back at you.  (in other words its obvious thats what they know.) 

now, you go "how do you know that? and for how long?"  and he goes "for AGES!!! and i know because HE TOLD ME!"  now, that pisses you off because its a SECRET relationship!!! you say to guy#1   "WHAT?  are you serious?  what has he said?  he didnt really say anything did he?"  and the guy#1 goes  "yeah he did, he told all of us guys in the change rooms a while ago"  and you go  "what?  okay....what did he say"  and then the guy#2 who we're talking about comes up and goes "hey what ya talkin about?"  and me and guy#1 just sit there not knowing what to say.... then guy#1 goes "look, we're talking about you, not TO you"  and you think to yourself  "shit you really shouldnt have said that"

now guy#2 is looking at you and knowing you're talking about the relationship, and but he doesnt want to really bring it up coz it'd be weird, he kind of tunes out of the conversation, looking away, but half listening anyway.  you keep asking guy#1 what guy#2 said, but he wont tell you.  he goes "oh hey ask guy#3!!!"  and guy#2 goes "what?  no.....guy#3 doesnt know!!"  and that pretty much proves that guy#2 HAS told guy#1 about the relationship...... DAMN!!!! grr.  guy#3 goes "oh...no, dont drag me into the middle of this!!" 

so then you just sit there with the guys infront of you thinking to yourself "omg, guy#2 has told the other guys about us..... and they know..... but how much do they know?  ....i bet this is going around the school now....."   then u realise, why yes.  yes it IS going around the school as well.  

guy#1 has only given you one clue, what guy#2 was saying in the guys' change rooms has got something to do with a word that starts with the letter D.  YOU ARE SO CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!! and pissed off, and concerned, and anxious to know what the hell is going on and how much has been said.

the number thing may be a bit confusing and may make it hard to keep track of who's who, but i've done that to protect identities.  laura ej and MAYBE ellie most probably know who guy#2 is.....but they may not, but i think they're smart enough to know.  lol but please girls, dont write his name in a comment on my blog coz ppl from loxton read this and i dont want everyone to know lol.

heyas

made closer friendships over the past week, lost a big one.  lost josephine.  we're not talking, and it looks as though we're not going to make up. 

thats sad....yeah....but lets be happy and forget about the shit going on at the moment!

on friday i went down the street with christie, courtney, alex, kathleen, and ella.  that was pretty cool.  that night was musical prac.

i went to musical prac today too.  and its on 2mrw during the whole school day (no school!!), and then tuesday and wednesday i need to help stewart sing "your the one that i want" then thursday and friday its on straight after school til nine pm.  but THAT WEEKEND IS FREE!!! then every day the next week is the actual PERFORMANCE!! then the after party....which will probably be a bit wild, so i dont know if i will be in the mood for it considering how tired i will be.

lately things have been really bad and stressful so im really ...well, quite sick.  stress has made me physically SICK!!!

i'll write another blog saying more later....my brother is kicking me off

xoxo

Oh my, looky there
Stone-cold foxy, platinum hair
Short skirt, barely there
Make a chick wanna hate, make a boy wanna stare

Well, Ms. Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks
Get the feelin' that you don’t really give a fuck
Ms. Hilton I like the way you push and glide
Rollerskates on a social butterfly, whoo!

Breeze by, velvet ropes
Ski this town like a bunny slope
Oh my, there she goes
A Long money girl in her short money clothes

Well,Ms. Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks
Was it you with your bunny all up in the club?
Ms. Hilton I like the way you push and glide
Rollerskates on a social butterfly

Ms. Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks
Get the feelin that you don’t really give a fuck
Ms Hilton I like the way you push and glide
Rollerskates on a social butterfly

Ms. Hilton you must be worth a trillion bucks
Was it you with your bunny all up in the club?
Ms. Hilton I like the way you push and glide
Rollerskates on a social butterfly

Ms. Hilton
Ms. Hilton
Ms. Hilton

i think it will all work out fine now....

woah.  in one hour last night, a part of my life turned upside down, and now that part of my life is about to go downhill.  i cant say why, and i wont say how, but all i will say is that i realised that i can't trust one of my closest friends.....  wow.  i was finding it hard to sleep last night, and praying and asking God to sort this whole thing out, and i really hope he does...before its too late..

hi!

today i woke up at almost 12!!! omg thats way too late! i felt like i had wasted half my freakin day on sleeping! haha.  guess i needed it though.

anyways so i woke up, then i got a chore - i vaccummed the car.  i realised after, that i didnt do a very good job at it....oops. :(

then i rang Tara, and then i went down the street to look for clothes, and have lunch at the pizza bar. awesome...i found the best jumper.  its fitting, has a zip down the middle, brown, and has white and pink writing/grafette writing on the top of the front and back saying ripcurl.  i think you girls would get what that means....with the writing thing.

last year i was a pink girl..........everything i wore was pretty and white and pink....and i have been like that for the first half of this year.  getting sick of it!  so now im going brown.  its gd coz it suits blonde hair.  i went to  mildura (the same day kaylah was there!)  and i got chocolate brown supre pants, (u know supre's track pants things...i like them!), and  i got a lighter shade of brown top, u know those summer tops that are longer than normal tees, and tight around the waste? you should know what im talking about.  that top goes with my new pants, and it also goes well when im wearing my white tight skivey underneith.  so today i got a jumper to match!  im a chocolate coloured girl at the moment!! haha. i am really liking brown clothes lately anyway...and its good for a change.   oh yeah and yesterday i bought a white beanie with a pink and brown stripe going around it, and a pink and brown roxy label on the front, and i got a scarf (that came with it) with the same colours, but this time, thick horizontal stripes of the same brown and pink as the beanie, and at the bottom, a white roxy label.  woo hoo lol i love shopping for clothes

anyways! im burning a cd at the moment so that i can listen to a heap of decent songs during next sunday because we have musical practice from 10 in the morning til umm 5 at night.  *sigh*.  thats why im gonna bring some music and headphones!  this is the list of songs i'm gonna be listening to...

The Simple Life - Hey Miss Hilton
Beck - Im A Loser Baby
WWE - Maven's Theme
Switchfoot - I Lift My Hands
Promoe - These Walls Don't Lie
Samantha Ronson - Built This Way
Ben Folds Five - Still Fighting It
Pete Murray - So Beautiful
Placebo - The Bitter End
Fall Out Boy - Grand Theft Autumn
Jet - Move On
Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit
Gem - They
The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends
Little Birdy - I Should Of Known
Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes
AFI - Silver And Cold
Ben Lee - Catch My Disease
Ben Folds - There's Always Someone Cooler Than You
Jet - Hold On
Switchfoot - On Fire
Gary Jules - Mad World
Greenday - Wake Me Up When September Ends

so yeah...those are the songs i shall be listening to at musical next week. lol.  people are probably going to borrow my thing when im playing the piano.... *sigh*. lol.  as u can see, some of the songs are not popular and not very known....but some are the pop songs, like kelly's song, and gem's. those are just some songs that i have liked over the past few years...and the songs are songs i havent listened to for heaps long...so i'll be revisiting it....dont u just luv listening to songs you used to be obsessed with!??  (apart from the pop songs lol)

xoxo's

hiya girlies and boyummies lol

at the moment im talking to Emma.  i miss her!  she lives in New Zealand and came to Australia last month for a exchange thing.  its heaps cool that she has msn!  shes heaps nice.  it would have been cool if she STAYED in loxton because shes such an awesome person!!!  oh yeah she took the prettiest photo of me and ella at school when she was here, and omg its sooo pretty!  shes gonna send it to me through the mail soon.  cant wait to get it coz its so pretty lol.  Emma is funny as!  and she is so girly.  apparently she did some modelling once, so she is very ellegant.  she walks like barbie!!! like seriously, such a girly walk!!  and i have giggled at her a few times coz its so cute!!! lol

i love the song "on fire" by Switchfoot.  ahh its so nice!  "they tell u where u need to go, they tell u when u need to leave.  they tell u what you need to know, they tell u who u need to be.  but everything inside you knows theres more than what you've heard, theres so much more than empty conversations filled with empty words....you're on FIRE when hes near you, you're on FIRE when he speaks, you're on FIRE burning at these mysteries"

oh yeah, i was going to get scott and alex to watch the ring with me.  scott is such a pussy cat!! he wouldnt watch it unless i would let him be drunk while watching it, so he doesnt get scared.  *sigh*.  so i gave up on him because scott will never watch scary movies lol.  so that left alex, but alex is away for these holidays, and hasnt got around to watching it with me before that. so i decided  "okay thats it, im just going to watch it by myself, NOW!!!"  so i went down to the video centre and hired The Ring, went home, and watched it by myself in the dark in my room lol.  its generally not too scary...but considering i was alone and it was late at night, i got pretty creeped out lol.  would have been better with scott and alex.....but hmph they were taking too long/not willing to be sober. haha.  now i soo wanna watch the second one!!

2mrw night theres gonna be a "video night" thing, held at the church hall.  i invited three girls, because mum said that this time it will be a small one, but next term there will be one where i can just invite everyone i know. lol.  i invited Emma, Tara, and Abbey.  I really like Emma, (not the new zealand girl, another one. lol), shes so nice, and i can tell her everything.  she listens really well, and well, we kinda depend on each other.  shes really special to me.  anyways so that'll be our 2mrw NIGHT plans.....but 2mrw during the day, my family and i will travel to mildura to watch a movie.  how fun! lol :D

im gonna go now.  ELLIE IS HOT STUFF. 

xoxoxo's

"LOXTON HIGH SCHOOL....BECAUSE WE'RE BETTER THAN YOU"

"ELLIE IS HOT!!!"

"LOXTON HIGH SCHOOL.....IF YOU DONT WIN FOR ADELAIDE ATHLETICS, WE'LL THROW YOU INFRONT OF A CAR"

"KIDDO!!!"

"ELLA I LOVE YOU...THAT IS WHY I HAVE TO KILL YOU!!!!!"

*hi5's the computer screen*

"LOLLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!"

"THERE ARE ONLY THREE CONTINENTS" 

"CONOR CANT SPELL" 

"SARDINES!!!!" 

"BLONDES REALLY DO KNOW MORE" 

"HALF FRINGE!!!!"

"MISTY...." *looks away* 

"WHERES SAM??......hmmm....HAVE YOU SEEN SAM???....OH..."

"YES NO OK LOL" 

"YOU"RE a *something, I'LL *something* YOU IN A MINUTE, YEAH YOU'D LIKE THAT WOULDNT YOU...WHY YES. YES I WOULD." 

*mean glare....mine turns into a giggle* "GRR ONE DAY STEWART...ONE DAY"

"YOU F***BAG!!" 

"HEAD ACHE IN MY NOSE..." 

"MY SLUT"

"BITCHY TREES...."

"BEN....."

*gliss* "OWW."

"EVER HEARD OF SPEED???"

"just the MAN to do it"

"I'LL HALLA YOU WEEN"

"YEAH ROOOIIGHHTTT"

"YOU ARE"

"CYA CYA CYA"

"POKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!! OOOOOO YA GOT ME"

"YOU REMIND ME OF A PURPLE LAVENDAR...."

"RICH MONEY BAGS CHI-CHING"

"RUN TARA....RUN!!!!!"

hello

havent written in a blog post for a while, and someone *cough cough* laura e-j reminded me about it, and i DO believe a blog post from the gorgeous misty is due.  lol.

lately....not too much has been happening.  (okay....actually a hell of a lot has been happening, but i cant say what because its very personal and a secret....not really a good one either.  actually theres about three secrets....) aaaaanyway....

woah this week has been weird!   it was all just totally different and kinda confused my head lol.  Monday, it was the first day of the week, but we had musical that night til nine, (instead of friday)  so at the end of musical it felt as though it was the end of friday!  then the next day there was the teachers strike, and it felt like saturday on tuesday morning because of the musical before hand, and because we got to sleep in...then we went to school at 12, so it felt like we were walking to school on a saturday!  the next day was normal...but because of the first two days, it just still felt weird, and it was in the middle of the week.  the next day, (thursday), we went to adelaide for the day.  (we being my music class and another drama year nine class) to watch this musical opera play thingo.  it was weird coz we went to adelaide for the day, which never really happens.  the next day we got to school and hardley did any work coz it was the last day of the semester, and then knocked off at 2:25....so the whole week was just totally weird lol.  now its the holidays!! woo hoo.

i havent got much planned yet. i know that the youth kids of my church are havin a video lockdown next friday night, (where u get locked in a room with everyone and watch videos for the whole night til the next day).  i will invite about 6 to 10 of my friends i reckon.  dunno who yet. 

haha was sooo funny on thursday, as i've already said, we were in adelaide right, haha and were sitting on the bus which was parked and getting ready to leave,and the guys in the bus were putting up the finger to this kid (about 12 yrs old) and stirring him up like that, and yelling out things to him.  the kid started giving the finger back, then started like beckoning the guys to get out of the bus so they could fight hahahahahah.  then it was soo funny, as the bus started to drive off, the kid threw his drink and it missed the window, (that the guys were sitting behind), and went over the top of the bus and landed on the ground at the opposite side LOL.  all wat was wrong was that the drink wud have went all over the top of our bus!! lol.  guys are SOOOO stupid!!!!!  i was like  "ook....why are you doing that to the kid? what did HE do to YOU guys?"  but then  i laughed coz seriously it looked soo funny lol.  haha then the teacher goes  "now guys, was that the correct way to handle a angry kid?  no.  i will not try to encourage you doing this to strangers, you're giving us a bad name"  hahah then one of the guys went  "STRANGER?  nah Mrs Trower, he's my mate!"  LOL that was so funny.  year 9 guys are stupid...but funny, BUT also very immature. lol.

im gonna go n do something like listen to some music. 

ciao bella

have you ever had a heap of problems and thought to yourself  "omg life cant get any worse..."  and then one day another problem enters your life, that is bigger and worse than all your other problems you thought were bad put together? all those other problems seem so easy to get through now that the huger problem has became a worry......

firework: the ones which sparkle when they go in the air....pretty things
fastfood: red rooster...and maccas....cant forget maccas.
french fries: MACCA'S theirs is the BEST
chips: salt and vinigar
theme park: havent been to any so i dont really have a say in this
state: go SA
school subject: music
person to ride with: ride?  meaning...
upcoming movie: i wanna see the ring 2 but SOMEBODY *cough cough*scott *cough cough* wont watchthe first one with me unless he's drunk because hes a scaredy cat.
thing to do: play the piano...it comforts me and lets me escape thoughts
person to hang out with: Abbey hahaha but only when im in a stupid mood because we are really fun but pathetic together
cereal: coco pops. 
dessert: pavlova
person to talk to online: alex - just IS good to talk to online and scott - fun to play with online.  (not games, i mean like teasin and stuff) and conor - fun to have smartassed arguments.
electronic game: *shrug*
board game: oh im not good with board games.... i get competitive and violent when i lose so its best that i dont play them...but i remember when i did play them, and i liked cluedo.  (hehe)
friends/party game: truth or dare



// FRIENDS/PEOPLE

your current best friends:  sasha, josephine, tara, alex, scott, steph, ella, abbey...then everyone's the same level
your current best friend's best friend: well i'd hope me?!!! 
your old, if any, best friends: Abbey
reminds you of yourself: Sasha, Josephine
wish u were more like: Alex


// THIS OR THAT OR..

popeyes, churches, or kfc: kfc!?
lead pen, pencil, or pen: pen
black or white: black
aeropostale, abercrombie, hollister, or american eagle: abercrombie
hot topic or abercrombie: hot topic
lol, haha, lolol, or hehe: lol
aim, msn, yahoo, or icq: MSN
type or talk: either..depends
walmart, kmart, or target: target
mall or movies: movies
wendys or checkers: wendys



// RIGHT NOW



what are u wearing: ok... underwear...stiped socks that go up to above my knee, dr martins, long grey school skirt,  white school t-shirt,  grey school jumper, marronish school scarf.  hair is down, blonde bits are wavy, underlayer of brown hair is dead straight (i planned how i would have my hair last night :)  )
who are you talking to: no one im not bothering on msn
who else is in the room: lol my whole family!  this is a big room.
last person you talked to / about what: kate about the musical song



// SHORT QUESTIONS

name all of the people who pop into your head right now: alex myles josephine sam zak conor myles(what?...okay again!) scott abbey john
what is set as ur desktop background: phantom of the opera wallpaper thing
screensaver: dont have one
what color is ur instant messaging text: red, because it goes with my metallica display pic.
what instant messanger to you use: MSN
what browser do you use: Internet Explorer

// REAL QUESTIONS

1) Do you believe in God? If so, why? If not, why not? yes i do, and why...because i have faith. simple as that.

2) Do you believe that all things happen for a reason? Why or why not?God has a plan for us all

3) Who is your best friend (ONE)? Why? Who are your other good friends and why aren't they your best friends? my very best friend is sasha, because she jsut is...shes like my sister.  josephine is A best friend of mine, and its just coz we like eachutha!  and alex is one of my best friends because....i dont know..i just love him so much...........and he understands me, not many people do...come to think of it, i think hes the only one who truely does.

4) Do you drink (alcohol)? Do you smoke? Do you do drugs? Why or why not? I drink a little sometimes....but im not like an alcho...and i have NEVER EVER EVER EVER smoked and i never shall because its just disguisting. enough said!

5) Name and describe one life changing event. Do you wish this had happened? Explain: some things are too personal to say, so im just gonna say a few events, but not saying why...  knowing myles.  meeting alex.  car crash.  sasha moving.  all of these things have taught me stuff in life, that i shant go into.

6) Do you have any secrets? If so, can you tell one? If so, tell one.  okay im not going to tell you any secrets.

7) Name a few people that you are glad you have met this year, and why. hmm.... met THIS year?  umm.  oh yes......the one that comes to me really boldly is ELLA because from scratch i knew she wud become one of my best friends - which she has.  i have learnt alot from her too.

8) If you could go back in time, would you change anything? If so, what? If not, what would you change if you had to change something? there are some things i regret to some extent.....but in a way, even though i wish i didnt do it, it has made me learn more.   all mistakes just teach you things.

9) If you were granted one wish and had to take it, what would you wish for? read people's minds

10) Tell something that no one knows. Something that you have never told anyone before.  osh kosh ba gosh.  lol there you go...i've never told anyone that before!  lol.

11) If you could go forward in time and see one thing, what would it be and why? who im giong to marry, IF im going to marry.

12) What's your biggest fear that something will happen? (not insecets, bad weather, etc.) most people that know me well know.........im horrified of murder.  seriel killers...knives.....blood.....dark rooms....night......alone with him....    its all because when i was young i turned on the tv and watched a movie about a serial killer, and since then i've had....well....a phobia of it really.

13) Who aggrivates you / you hate the most? Why? someone that has the internet, therefore im not going to say anything incase she reads it lol

14) If you were to die at this second: Would you go to heaven, hell, neither, etc? What would you regret, if anything? Who do you think would miss you and why? Who do you think wouldn't miss you, if anyone, and why? i would go to heaven.  i would miss my mum, alex, scott, sasha, ella. i would regret telling someone how i really feel about him, and he is mentioned a few times in this survey(go figure).  alex would miss me, sasha would miss me, ella would miss me, my family would miss me, josephine would miss me, all of my friends would miss me.....  and just some certian people that i know wouldnt miss me because we havent really gotten along very well.

15) What do you want your last words to be? to everyone - never give up, be strong, love life, be sad sometimes.... "laughter and crying...you know its the same release", listen to music and enjoy it, keep in the right crowd, be careful of your choices and decisions... and even if you've made the wrong decision, apologise to God for it, then figure out how you can learn off of it, stick up for what you believe in, find your passions and enjoy them no matter what.

XOXOXO's

hey guys

how are you all.

it feels as though i havent written in a blog DIARY kind of entry for quite a while!  not much has been happening lately i guess.

last night i had musical practice from 3:30 - 9:00pm.  *sigh* just another school day....... its like we have 6 days of school instead of 5, like the people who arent in the musical.  im not even in it...... im in the band.  haha we (the band) have to wear gold jackets and gold skirts to look like in the 80's coz its the "grease" musical....lol.

i have musical practice 2mrw as well, but its not everyone in it, its just the piano players - me, tyla, kate...and the principals - max rohan myles nicole sophie kerry christie gavin stewart.   (may have missed someone but oh well lol).  yeh so not the chorus people or the major minor parts, just the main characters.  it'll go from 1:30pm to 5:00pm.  will be boring but thats life.

i love the song meant to live, by switchfoot.  its awesome.   Kate told me about the song once at musical practice. it rocks, therefore she rocks for telling me about it.   kate rocks.  lol.

oh oh but best band....... Smile Empty Soul.  they sing great songs.  "finding myself" about this person who wants to be themself but they're so used to this person they are in love with in their life, that they dont know what to do without them, and that they want to 'find themself'  but they cant because they dont know what they're actually like anymore coz they're so used to their love of their life.
"silhouettes" about this guys parents, holding him down, trying to lead him in the right direction, but doing it in the wrong way, and so the guy decides that he doesnt care if he sins or not, because he doesnt want to live like his mum and let fear rule his life, and he doesnt want to live like his dad and give up before he dies.  he says in the song that when he gets kids he wont put chains around their wrists (mentally, as obviously HIS parents did to him), and that he'll tell the kids that they can do anything if they are dedicated to it and want it enough.
"the other side"  about how it always looks greener on the other side, but thats not usually the case.....its not always better on the other side....looks can be decieving.
"with this knife"  not too sure if this is suicidal or not, but i believe its just about this guy who wants to stop caring and loving this girl who has went ahead and hurt him.

there are my explanations for four of  smile empty soul's songs.  they're just four of many great songs.

xoxo's

each paragraph (different colour and font) are just different little parts from good songs that i like that i thought i'd put on here coz music means a lot to me, and pop stuff isnt always good to listen to..... unless you dont really care about the music or fricken quality of the song... so yeah....read the words to each song i have if you have time or want to read some good lyrics.

I don't care anymore if I let you down
I believe that I need to be free
I'm so used to my life with you around
I don't know anymore the real me
And I thought that I found myself today
And I thought that I had control
All the change in my life just fell away
For a moment I didn't need you
All these tears that I've cried you must be tired of
Taking care of me but
It's what you do best and I'm a liar coz
Really it's what I need
With this knife i'll cut out the part of me
The part that cares for you
With this knife i'll cut out the heart of me
The heart that cares for you
I can't believe the way you took me down
I never saw the pain
Coming in a million broken miles
Like poison for my veins
i walk into the room
you don't have to scream i can hear you
bad trip, the needle sticks
you get your fix from confrontation
i try to make it past
i don't wanna get into it right now
can't this family have one day
to get away from all the pain
and through the night i see the light
shining from the neighbor's windows
i dream of life where i'm safe
in a home where i am not alone
some day i will lay me down
on the grass where everything is greener
it always seems so good on the other side
i don't wanna live like my mother
i don't wanna let fear rule my life
and i don't wanna live like my father
i don't wanna give up before i die
i try
to be the man i am
in times of broken lives
and shattered dreams and plans
standing up to fight
the pressures and demands
staring at the knife
and holding in your hand
what used to be your life
this world is crazy
my dreams are fading
i want my life
I thought that I was over you but it's true, so true
I love you even more than I did before but darling what can I do...
For you don't love me and I'll always be crying over you
I see, the blood all over your hands
Does it make you feel, more like a man?
Was it all, just a part of your plan
The pistol's shaking in my hands and all I hear is the sound
I love you, I hate you, I can’t live without you
I breathe you, I taste you, I can't live without you
I just can't take anymore, this life of solitude
I guess that I'm out the door and now I'm done with you

“Teenagers only want to be different.” Well yes, but also no.  It all depends on the age, maturity, and school.

Firstly,
Take 13 year olds.  They are new to high school in most cases, and are confused, vulnerable, and scared. I remember my first year of highschool, and I was exactly that.  I wasn’t brave enough to walk to any classes by myself for some reason, and I didn’t want to be left out of anything because I was scared that would lead me to being abandoned by my friends completely.  Think about it, if there’s a student new at a school, scared, vulnerable, surrounded by older people and confused, its not likely they are going to want to stand out.  The majority of thirteen year olds are going to want to

General answer - NO!  

You want to be the same as everyone else, you just want to fit in and be accepted, even if that means acting like someone you’re not, acting different and fake, just to be liked.  I know not all 13 year olds are like this, but the majority of them are. So…


“13 year olds only want to be DiFFeReNt.”  TRUE.

Second of all,
Lets take 14 year olds.  Finding themselves, easing into school, a tiny bit more laid back, and having a little more knowledge of how the school’s activities work. Although, this being said, popularity is still a big issue in 14 year olds’ minds.  Sadly, the majority of them still believe they have to be fake to survive, social-wise.

 “14 year olds only want to be DiFFeReNt.”  TRUE.

Let’s move on…

15 year olds.  They are starting to be more confident with themselves, and aren’t as interested in being in the “popular” group.  Some, however, have been mentally knocked around by the past two years.  “Some” being the kids who tried to be in the “popular” group, but didn't’ succeed.  These teens sometimes go through teen angst.  It isn’t only the teenagers who aren’t popular that go through teen angst though.  It is said that the people that appear the most certain of themselves on the outside are usually the ones who are falling apart on the inside.  Some teenagers try to escape their pressuring lives by taking up acting.  Acting is comforting because you get to pretend to be someone you’re not.  On the other hand, some 15 year olds are feeling very comfortable and happy with the crowd they’re in, these teens are the luckier and more confident teens than the sad ones.


“15 year olds only want to be DiFFeReNt.” TRUE AND FALSE.


Now, lets skip 16 year olds, because most of them are in the same phase as the 15 year olds.

Moving onto…
17 year olds.  Okay, lets just face it, until you leave the high school you’re at, you are always going to have people fussing over the “popular” group.  No doubt.  But when teens get to 17 years old, it doesn't matter as much. 17 year olds realize that the true things that matter in life are family, friends, doing well in exams, and personal passions, eg. Music, sport, etc.

Some arrogant and/or shallow people still think it’s cool to have a “popular” group, although the majority of 17 year olds aren't interested in being popular anymore, and only bother with the people who actually matter—their real friends.

Most 17 year olds don’t want to be different to what they are anymore, they know it’s important to be true to themselves.


“17 year olds only want to be DiFFeReNt.”  FALSE.


Now, I know I’m only 14, but I know how the thoughts work of the ages 13 - 17 because I have many friends, and from each age group I have at least one best friend, so I pick up on this kind of stuff.  It’s good to have friends that aren't only  in your year level, because you learn things from them, rather important things.


I can’t honestly tell you what 18 and 19 year olds want, because I don’t know any to reflect on.  I could lie to you and make it up, but I want this essay to be totally and completely true. 

I hope this essay helps people understand teenagers and what they go through these days more.

 By Misty Inglis 9RG, 2005.

I don't care anymore if I let you down, I believe that I need to be free. I'm so used to my life with you around, I don't know anymore the real me.

hey

i cant believe steph is moving at the start of next year.  i cant believe alex is moving at the start of next year.
its like when i lost sasha, now im losing two more best friends.  i cant stand it.  i dont know if i will be able to take it.....it hurts so much.  i LOVE them and they're leaving me here.  i feel lonely as such. 

yesterday was so long.  i was away from home for 14 hours.  i went to school usual hours, 9 - 3:30, then i had musical practice til 9pm, then i went to my friend helen and emma's farewell party because they're going to newzealand (emma lives there and helens going there for an exchange, emmas going back from her exchange).  twas good.  musical was okay...i wasnt all that happy though, i was just... well i didnt really have any feeling.  for about an hour i was just lying on about 4 chairs on my stomach while the other girls were playing the piano and the main cast members were around doing their practising.  one of them were hitting on me alot and i wanted him to back off but i couldnt say anything for some reasons.  one of his friends realised and gave him a glare though, because im his friend too, and guys seem to be protective of me. 
because i was down, i wasnt smiling or laughing or anything the whole 6 hours, and only one person really realised.  it was good that he did though, it made me feel special that he realised.  he came over and grabbed the row of chairs (4 chairs stuck together each row) i was lying on and pulled me around the room (lol) to infront of another row of chairs so i was lying on them and he was sitting on the row behind me so we could talk.  was good. hes heaps nice.  he's danny in the musical grease so its cool that he took time out to talk (considering he is the main person so he had the most to practice.)  i think the guy who hitted on me realised i was down but no he didnt care....of course he wouldnt.  :cry:

what pisses me off is when people have a go at me for not eating enough.  they dont know how much i eat....they should shut the fork up!  i know they're caring for me and all, but im eating FINE and although i have lost weight (which i didnt think was possible for my figure), losing weight doesnt neccisarily ALWAYS come from not eating.  i know im not eating properly, but i AM eating and i am eating alot okay???????? END OF SUBJECT......NOTHING ELSE ABOUT THIS.

im going to miss steph and alex so much.  i've already been crying myself to sleep.  one - i will miss steph.  two - i miss sasha and would do anything to be with her.  three - i love alex so much and i dont want him to leave me here.

xoxo's